moneyballer | IC CONTACT;

[ Lucina had perhaps understood that part for similar reasons, but the rest had been beyond even her. ]

I was one of the first. My class were targeted as the ones to spread "despair". Given my influence in Europe, perhaps you can imagine the damage I was able to cause. Even if my country were to return to normal, I doubt I would even be welcomed home.

[ Her smile is hollow now, but she doesnt't cry. ]

After taking control from my parents, that would be as I deserve.

[There it goes, again.

The ringing in his ears, loud and harsh and deafening, even though he knows the sounds aren't real.

Asher doesn't quite understand what she means by that, so he slowly attempts to piece together the story in his own mind. There was an illness, a desire to spread sadness...

And she was one of the first?]

What happened to your parents?

It may be best if I do not say.

[ She says it softly, but there's still a weight behind it. ]

Millions died, and even those that did not have lost their minds. My world, as it is right now, is struggling to recover from what can only be called an apocolyptic state. "The Biggest, Most Awful, Most Tragic Event in Human History" is what it was named, with us being the Ultimate Despairs.

[ Her fingers intertwine on her lap, finally locking and resting like that. ]

For three years, I had no control of myself or my actions. When I arrived here, it was after someone from the remaining organisation that had been trying to defeat us had put us into a system to "restore us". Only myself and four others came out of that in tact. My other classmates... are current comatose.

[It may be best if I do not say.

Immediately, he regrets the impulsive nature of his question.

The words she uses to describe that day sound like something out of a fairy tale told to frighten little children. His brows press together immediately as he makes a connection to her name and occupation as well- She is Sonia Nevermind, the princess of a European country he has never heard of. He hopes,
for her sake, that she isn't the titular character in some predetermined tragedy.]

Then it wasn't your fault.

If you couldn't help it, then you're not the one who-

[He touches her shoulder in an attempt to comfort her, just now noticing the marks.]

Oh my god.

[ It isn't something she's properly explained to anyone, simply because she's tried to block it all out. The other memories surrounding it are of her atop the castle, commanding an army of people wearing monokuma masks to go out and kill, harm and cause destruction while Mahiru had taken pictures of her to spread their influence even further. ]

Perhaps not entirely, but it was still my hands and my mouth that issued the orders and harmed others.

[ She blinks when he seems to stop after that though, the "oh my god" making her blink. ]

What is it?

[ It's where his eyes land that has her pause as well. It isn't as though she'd forgotten, more that they are something she actually feels proud of, in a strange way. Her finger reaches to trace one mark, before it flattens against the skin. ]

It is not as bad as it may look, Asher.

It wasn't you.

[Each syllable is clear, punctuated.

Asher to some degree understands why she feels responsible, although he can't say he's been in the same situation.

Every bad thing he's ever done has truly been his own goddamn fault.]

You think I don't know how this-

[His mouth runs before he catches it, although it stops, boy, does it stop.

No.

Nobody else is supposed to know about that.]

As many times as people here tell me that, I... I think part of me wishes to be blamed either way. What does it matter whose fault it is? All those lives are still lost. My knowledge of weaponry, torture... all of those things only made it worse.

[Though when he talks about her arm, she realises-- ]

But that is not what this stands for. This signifies every person I did not harm in Woodhurst. I trapped myself in my apartment. I stopped myself from going outside, and hung on when I thought I could not go on any longer.

[This is news to him.

He thinks about what happened, with Jason, with Daenarys-]

So you were infected...?

I was, yes. My symptoms worsened much quicker than most as well.

[ She reaches up, tucks a piece of hair behind her ear. ]

In the end I had to be put into a medically induced coma with how bad it was.

So that's why you were actin' up.

[Woodhurst seems to get worse and worse with time.

He is tired of things being even more rotten under the surface than they seem.]

God. I was being such a dick, I'm sorry...

Quite. At least it made me worse than I had intended, in which case I should apologise as well. [ She pats his hand, touch gentle. ]

I know you were only trying to help. You would be surprised with how many people tried to talk sense into me during the mission, however... I am not very good at listening normally, nevermind with the infection as well.

It's okay.

[He gently brushes over her hand with his own.]

You had your own stuff goin' on.

[ Her gaze lowers to the floor in front of them both. ]

Perhaps a little. It was... alarming the first time I saw a riot in Woodhurst. I blacked out, I think. My body reacted faster than I could think, people were dead because of that.

After three years of it, I suppose it is not something your body forgets so easily, no?

[She may not be looking at him but he is definitely looking at her, unable to tear his eyes away for the moment.]

No.

[There's that feeling again, the little tingle in his gut. He's learning each and every day to trust the beating of his own bleeding heart, as somewhere deep down, it always seems to know what's going to happen.

This is why he heard the ringing just minutes prior.]

No, it's not.

[Here he takes one of her hands and squeezes it, wishing there was more he could do or say to relieve her pain.]

[ There's a moment where she breathes out, letting him hold onto her hand, squeeze it as a sign of comfort. She's still sat rimrod straight, posture perfect.

Then slowly, she exhales and slumps enough to drop her head against his upper arm. ]

I do not know why I expected anything else, even before all of that, my home was hardly peaceful.

[What Sonia may or may not know is that in that moment, when she rests her head against his arm, something changes inside of him.

The wretchedness inside her is not the result of her own wrongdoings, but man oh man, does he know what that feels like. To wish for something better, to believe that you are okay and can be good, despite how rotten your core really is and always will be-]

That is just-

[A deep breath.

He hates seeing people suffer.]

Awful.

[His position shifts slightly so that he's looking at her, so she can see that he means what he says.]

Please don't think you have to go through this kind of stuff alone.

Mmm. [ It's the only soft hum she gives to him in response for a short while, not really sure how to articulate everything right away. ]

It took me a few months to open up to people, but everyone has been positive. It is quite strange, really. I would not be offered the same kindness back home. In fact, only three people have done as such, the rest want us dead.

[The Sonia he knows is not some kind of cold-hearted, mind-controlled monster.

That is why his brow knits in confusion as he stares in her direction. Technically, he gets why that would be the case, if everything she's just told him really is true...

It is just hard for him to believe it, because he can't imagine that he'd ever feel the same way about her.]

Yeah.

When you're feelin' down, it...

[His poorly thrown together slang has fallen to the wayside for a little bit, as this is important.]

It helps not to be by yourself.

[Soft hands fold neatly in his lap.

Or, well... They aren't all that soft anymore.]

Thanks for tellin' me all of this stuff.

I know it must be hard for ya.

I was, for the first two months I was here. I recall that Lucina offered her shared tent with Riza back in Perdition's Rest and I took it for the shelter, however... I did not know either of them very well. I presume they had both assumed I was just homesick whenever they heard me cry.

It was a lot more difficult to bear then, when I was very new and had not had the chance to actually process any of what happened. Nami was the first person I told, and I am glad I did. It has become a lot easier over time.

[They are sitting here together in an absurd place, surrounded by talking felines and the occasional catnip vendors, and it is just now that he suddenly experiences guilt for taking her at face value, and assuming that she was fine.

It is not her fault that she reminds him of many a student council president he's encountered in his lifetime, the very picture perfect portrait of perfection, with not a hair or a grade out of place. He wonders if he took them for granted too, if they were suffering behind closed doors and he just didn't know it.

How many people are suffering?

He needs to work harder, to listen more carefully...

Loneliness can kill you too.]

It's good to talk, even when it's hard. 'Cause if you don't, you'll just...

[He does not know where to put his hands, so they fold neatly in his lap.]

You'll just go crazy.

Like I said... I'm glad you told me.

[There's a beat, and then yet another sigh.]

I never woulda guessed.

Will I?

[ She asks the question softly, a murmur rather than open speech. ]

As a princess your emotions and feelings do not matter. For a long time, I did not really know how to say how I felt, how to even think about it. It is all something I have had to learn over time.

[ Her head tips down slowly. ]

So that is how is should be, that you never would have guessed.

[Perhaps that was what bothered him before, the lack of any expression. Asher is far from a misanthrope, quite the opposite, but there is something about perfection that irks him to some degree, even if the person who appears to be that way is nice enough. People are not well-programmed machines, they make mistakes and cry about them, and that is when connections are most easily made.

If friendships are not cemented with laughter, they will be with tears.]

I know you're a princess, and... That'll always be a part of you, but-

[Even the word is strange to say. Sure, he'd met the mayor's daughter once or twice, known many a dignitary foreign or local, but royalty?

That's so weird.]

At least around me, it's cool if you wanna let your walls down.

[With his statement is an unspoken understanding, though.

Sometimes being honest is the hardest thing to do.]

It is... quite amusing in a way. I told people that I wished to be treated equally, yet I seem to be unable to drop how I act, no matter how hard I try. It is slowly getting easier, but it is taking quite some time.

[ Her mouth twitches though, a small smile--yet genuine--framing her lips. She kicks her feet out slightly then, careful there are no cats under them or anything. ]

In some ways, I do not wish to leave. People here have been so kind.

[Mm.

Sonia is one of the first companions he's heard this sentiment from, as most of the others he has spoken to seem to desperately yearn to return to their own worlds. In a way it has made him feel like somewhat of an outsider, because this team has felt more like home to him than anything ever before.

Even though it is not where he belongs.]

I know exactly what you mean.

[Oliver, someone he supposedly knows and yet can't remember, has emphasized that he misses their classmates at Middleton. But for Asher, what is there to miss?

The boss who hired him for her own personal gain? The father who threw him out? The peers who treat him like an outsider?

Or the woman who showed him a sliver of kindness and seemed content to throw him away when she'd had her fill of his warmth?

He is not blameless, oh god, he is so far from that...

So he understands.]

I don't think I've ever been in a place with this many nice people before.

[ She isn't alone with it either, but it's a lot rarer to have anyone agree. Some people have a more solid grounding with their home though. Some aren't potentially going back to their own deaths. It's easier to want to go back when you have something to look forward to, and not the hazy green lights of a circle of pods where most of her classmates are still sleeping. Where the dull ache of knowing the crimes she's committed cannot be undone. ]

They are very forgiving, despite everything.

[ She plucks at her dress, head lowered. ]

If I am honest, I am not sure what I would have done without it.

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moneyballer - 2017-05-13 00:16 (UTC) - Expand

IC CONTACT;

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* currently even ... phone tags [smh]

cw: implied self harm

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icki this isn't sleeping?!?!?!

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