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[moneyballer]

username: I CAN B UR DADDY

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[moneyballer]

N-no! It just, you said you went too far... And that's what people usually mean, in my world, when they say things like that-

[awkward fumbling noises]

So what really went down, then?

What was too far... For you?

[headlining]

Went far by my standards, Asher, not everyone is in each other's beds as much as you think they are.

[He grumbles.]

You're just going to make fun of me.

[Says a grown adult in the tone of a petulant child.]

[moneyballer]

It's different for everybody, though.

[An idea it's taken a while for him to learn.]

A lotta little things can feel... I dunno, like-

[He laughs, somewhat nervously.]

Even bigger? Than all that?

If that makes sense.

[With the right person, even a gesture as innocent as holding hands can mean a lot.]

[headlining]

I suppose.

[He's still grumpy! But....fine.]

I was drunk. It was a kiss. That's it.

[moneyballer]

Oh.

[Asher murmurs slightly, a soft, compassionate noise.]

Well, okay.

How'd it go?

[headlining]

Extremely badly.

[Not one of the best moments of his life.]

I, uh...left. Not long after it happened. I mean, I explained later why I did it and I... [SIGHS.]...confessed my feelings but it was still very awkward.

Really would do that differently if I had to do it again.

[moneyballer]

[He withdraws from the camera, slightly.

Keats will notice that Asher is sitting up in bed, dressed in something relatively informal for his preppy sensitivities. Tilting his head to the side, he offers the other a look of surprisingly genuine sympathy, as he's been in that place before, and knows that rejection isn't something that's easy to deal with.]

That really stinks, dude.

[Somehow, he doesn't have to ask any more questions.]

I'm sorry.

[headlining]

I mean, it's not like it ended totally poorly. It just...we're still friends. I suppose. In a way.

[Again, it's complicated. Keats takes off his glasses, rubbing his eyes with a sigh. Asher, showing him sympathy? It's weird. People showing him sympathy in general is weird.]

It's just all up in the air, really.

[moneyballer]

So you guys still talk.

[He nods in response.]

Okay! Well, that means they probably don't hate you, right?

But are you cool with that? Just being friends, I mean.

[headlining]

No, they don't.

[At least, he hopes so. But he'd know about that, wouldn't he, if that was true?]

...I don't know. I guess I'm just...waiting to see what they'll do.

[moneyballer]

So you're just gonna wait?

[There's a tinge of disbelief in his voice.]

And not say anything, even though this is clearly drivin' you nuts.

[headlining]

They already know how I feel. It's not like that's a mystery.

[He says, some frustration in his tone.]

I can't just break off the friendship. I can't force them to feel the way I feel. They seem fine with the middle road. I am, too.

[moneyballer]

[Asher stares into the video feed, as if there's something more he wants to say.

Keats is different, maybe. The younger Millstone has lived a fairly entitled life, and is used to getting what he wants, in many ways. This is the same for romantic partners or people he's interested in- He is bad at waiting, impatient especially when it comes to love, but he had managed to do it for Jin's sake, hadn't he?

Sort of.]

Well, okay.

Be careful though- This kinda stuff, if it blows up in your face 'n all...

It's the worst. Trust me, I know.

I've been there.

[headlining]

...

[He dwells on those words for a moment, his expression growing pensive. He doesn't know what to do. He's going along with the current, so to speak.]

What do you think I should do?

[A beat.]

It's obvious they don't like me the way I like them.

[moneyballer]

You really wanna know what I think?

[Meaning: His answer is going to be very honest.]

[headlining]

Sure. Why not.

[moneyballer]

It sounds like you might really have to let this thing go.

[He bites his lip, gnawing it hesitantly for a brief moment in time.]

Easier said than done, I know.

[headlining]

[There's a very, very long period of silence from his end. his face betraying absolutely no expression.]

I can't.

[He finally says, reaching up to adjust his glasses with a finger. He sounds completely resigned.]

What else do I have?

[moneyballer]

Your other friends.

[This kind of thing really breaks his heart, it does.]

Other people.

[The fear of being alone is an overwhelming thing, one that Asher knows very well.]

I'm here, right? I know, I'm not the person who makes you feel those things, but-

[How does he approach this carefully?]

We had this talk! Because we're bros, and I care about you.

I can't be the only one.

[headlining]

Ah, if it were only so easy.

[There's a soft laugh here.]

You care about me? You? [He almost wants to scoff.] Goodness, I do hope you're all right in the head there, Asher.

[moneyballer]

Why is that so hard to believe, man?

[Asher often finds himself trapped in his own tangled web of emotions, and that has made it somewhat difficult when it comes to relating to other people, or even seeing things their way. His time on this team has taught him how to pay closer attention, how to read subtle lines around the mouth or really hear a faltering voice.

The desire to be seen, it seems, is a universal one.]

I mean it.

[headlining]

Do you really?

[He just stares at the camera. It's very, very hard for him to believe that. Even he's not so naive to assume even people who get along with really care about him.]

[Because if he were in their shoes, he wouldn't care about him, either.]

It's very easy to say.

[moneyballer]

Yeah! I do.

[He snorts a little, though not derisively.]

You're funny.

[headlining]

...Thanks.

[He's not sure what to think about that.]

A comedian is funny, though. Do you care about any comedian that makes you laugh?

[moneyballer]

Oh hells yeah.

Who doesn't love to laugh?

[Asher looks down, still smiling, but unsure..]

I wouldn't say it if I didn't mean it.

[Which is the truth.]

Then that'd be a lie, and...

That's worse than not caring at all.