IC CONTACT;

[moneyballer]

username: I CAN B UR DADDY

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Comments

txt; un: METTATON [it's the 3am subtext]

[ex_mettacrusher33]

[It's literally 3 in the goddamn morning.

He's charging and can't move.

He also has enough shame to not show his face.]

is that honestly what they look like

[moneyballer]

yeah dude

when they're SAD

[ex_mettacrusher33]

...

[ex_mettacrusher33]

they have emotions?

[moneyballer]

yuuup

hard n soft

[ex_mettacrusher33]

[This is the worst thing Mettaton's ever done. Forget attempting to murder Frisk. Forget abandoning his family. Forget pettily ruining all of Alphys' plans. This is the worst. THIS is the worst. He should have never asked. How is he supposed to rest like this? He can't shut himself off without his mind subjecting him to horrifying images of genital slugs.

He doesn't mean to send the next thing, but it happens. Thanks, comlinks.]

why

[moneyballer]

coz human bodies r da shit, homie

[In both good and bad ways.]

idk what else 2 tell ya

[ex_mettacrusher33]

i finally understand why violence is acceptable on television and nudity is not.

[moneyballer]

why r u so worried about junk all of a sudden, robro?

[robro, meaning robo bro]

you're not thinkin of gettin some giant metal dong installed, r u

[ex_mettacrusher33]

[THAT he understands. That is not what is offensive here.]

i was led to believe they were simple in design. that they were practical and occasionally sparkled. not these... aberrations. these sins. these body-parts that god forgot. these nightmare slugs that cannot abscond from my restless eyes.

[moneyballer]

what the hell have you been reading?

twilight?????

[ex_mettacrusher33]

i'm not sure what that is, but it can't possibly be worse than the images you've subjected me to.

JESUS CHR IST

[moneyballer]

oh my god

did i get drunk and send you anything-

[ex_mettacrusher33]

Were you drunk when you were discussing pelvic slugs?

Because honestly, I'm not sure what the difference between your intoxicated self and your sober self is.

[moneyballer]

[ok good

whew

the robot hasn't seen his dick]

sorry i misunderstood ya there!!! ahahaha lol 👌👌👌👌👌 ✔️️ 💯

dw about it 2 much dudey

dicks r kinda funny lookin, u get used 2 em

[ex_mettacrusher33]

[...what is that relief about? That's... an awful lot of emojis for a simple misunderOH

OH MY GOD.]

YOU THOUGHT YOU SHOWED ME YOUR BEPIS?!

[moneyballer]

what the ???

use ENGLISH man

[ex_mettacrusher33]

YOUR... DINGWALLACE??

IS THAT WHAT YOU DO WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK?!

text -> audio

[moneyballer]

[OK HE IS LOSING HIS SHIT AT "DINGWALLACE" HE'S GOTTA USE THAT

the change 2 audio was mostly so you can hear him LAUGHING]

[ex_mettacrusher33]

[Normally, Mettaton ADORES the sound of human laughter.

This is not a normal time.]

No, let's get to the truth behind this. Is that a thing you do when you're drunk? Is there an HR representative that I can call to warn them about this behavior?

plz dont waste food in times of shortage asher

[moneyballer]

yeah hold on

[It takes him a couple of minutes or so, but in little while, MTT will receive an image of a banana that's been stuffed into a condom, and it's set on a kitchen table.]

here it is:

my bepis ;)

you absolute monster

[ex_mettacrusher33]

[Asher doesn't get a response for a moment. There is only the comforting 3am silence of the kitchen to keep him company.

Until... huh. That sounds like someone stomping through the hallways.

That sounds like someone breaking the lock off the apartment door with pure, raw strength.

That sounds like Mettaton swinging a newspaper at Asher's head.]

[moneyballer]

[As soon as he hears more than just a knock at the door, Asher's hand is already on the sheath of the butcher knife in their kitchen.

Dread doesn't begin to describe the half of it. This apartment, stuffy as it might have become after days of keeping the windows and doors shut tight, is the only space where they can create an illusion of safety.

Mid-lunge, the law student realizes that their "attacker" is just a disgruntled teammate.]

Dude!

[He is hit by that newspaper.]

What the hell?

[A growl.]

You better fix the freakin' door.

[ex_mettacrusher33]

[You better fix your ATTITUDE was what was about to leave the robot's speakers, but the sheer level of anger on Asher's face cuts him short.

...Mettaton didn't quite think this one through, did he?]

...

[Well.

Lips pursed, he steps back toward the door with the broken lock. The lock itself is snapped, the long chain that secured the door to the wall completely broken in half.]

.................

[Quietly, Mettaton shuts the door to hide his next actions from the rest of the apartment. If there was ever a way to sheepishly summon a laser-firing disco ball to meld the chains back together again, Mettaton is managing to do it.]

[moneyballer]

[Perhaps this is his own fault. Joking around isn't the best thing to do in the situation they're in, but to some degree, he can't help it.

The knife is placed back on the table.]

Do you know how long it took us to board that up?

Geez.

[He rests a hand on the nearest chair, taking a moment to compose himself.]

I'm up but my-

[Boyfriend? Roommate?]

Jin's sleeping.

We don't need to do this crap right now.